That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
