So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
