In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
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They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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