I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
