bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
