It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
