Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
