you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
