dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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