If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize