is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
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if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
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So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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