i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
