I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"