it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.