we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.