at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
