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I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
third nipple confirmed
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.