I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
