6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
