i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
