The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
