Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
