Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
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I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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