FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
