I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize