the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
