Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
