thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
