Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
