Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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