ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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