remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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