Soap is not a condiment
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Randomize
