i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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