hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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