Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
zippers are such a cool invention
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
