my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
