and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
