PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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