So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
