the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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