guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
