As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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