It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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