God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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