just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
