Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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