White coat. Heels.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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