I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
