he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
