I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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