you win again, gameday.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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