There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
