He uses pillows to masturbate.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
