Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
