Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
