we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
