Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
