WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
