It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
