soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
