if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Come see our sink grown plant.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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