I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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