That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
