I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
