Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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