just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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