I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
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He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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