You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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