I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
