I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
