I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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